The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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