You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
