She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
