It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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