I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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