I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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