4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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