Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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