and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
