i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
