You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
