worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
