The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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