I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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