Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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