How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
