sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
