While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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