Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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