you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
3pm strippers are depressing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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