she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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