herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
