I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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