Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think i got beer on your cat.
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