I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize