So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
