Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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