My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
