it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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