i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
