giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
