So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Boobs are out for the taking
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
