thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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