Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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