and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
