i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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