I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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