So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
