It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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