Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
