When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
