I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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