I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
