Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
