Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
