i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You took a bar mat shot.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
