I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
