I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
