oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
