i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
