Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize