I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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