look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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