i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
