This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
