I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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