The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
