Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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