I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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