those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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