who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
