Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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