You're my little dorito
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize