Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
