my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
