He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize