I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
sex in a hospital.. check
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
